22 February 2010

Someone egged our house. Maybe a bird? Or a Bird?

 

I was sitting on the couch watching television while a rainstorm was doing its business outside when suddenly I heard a scratching/sqooshing sound on the bay window. It sounded like a cat trying to get in out of the rain, or maybe like one of those leafless trees with finger-like branches that comes alive and doesn't like the rain and wants you to let it in so it can shuffle around your house all creepy-like, crying about photosynthesis or something equally boring to the non-foliagic.

But when I checked, all I saw was slime. Yellowish slime. About three or four streaky blobs that landed on the top slanted panes of our bay window.

Someone egged our house! At 9pm at night! What's that all about?

I tried to think of which of my enemies would take out his aggression in an ovoid manner. 

But I also had to consider that the eggs landed on the top of the window, which is behind a tree, which is higher than the sidewalk by about two feet. So in order to land such accurate egg bombs, my enemy would need a wicked good sky hook.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar egged my house!

Was he wearing goggles when he did it?

That's what I thought for a day or two. I was preparing my KAJ revenge (very complicated: involved two ladders and Larry Bird) when I realized that there was another explanation, and from a far more likely and insidious enemy.

Birds (not Larry Bird) sometimes put nests in our gutters. Any unhatched eggs would still be lying there, and the unusually long and fierce rainstorms we had could very well have flung them out of the gutter and straight down onto our window.

Especially if a bird carefully balanced them there, practical joke-style, and waited until I went out to clean the windows to dump them right on my noggin.

But the joke's on you, birds, because I NEVER clean the windows!

And I know birds hate me because they think that just because I live with cats I must take their side on every issue (which is totally not true; e.g. the cats are all wrong on health care). And just because I eat birds and eggs must mean I have some crazy animosity toward the feathered world. I don't.

So...well played, birds. You forced me to clean the window.