Dear Starbucks: Your Pastries are Disgusting

Look at the size of these things! Are these pastries or really ugly decorative pillows?

These are surely designed to tempt every diabetic giant in the land.

Starbucks, must I remind you that you sell $4 coffee? These ginormous, cold, dense, sticky-icing nightmares are the stuff of highway rest stops -- not the kind with the Subway in the corner, but the kind with lottery machines by the door and chili dogs cowering under the heat lamp.

Listen, Howard Schultz: Unless you plan to stick a bowl of beef jerky by the register, you'd better get fancy pastry to match your fancy coffee. Either that or lower the coffee to 50 cents and pass the bear claw.