A dactyl followed by a spondee = Instant Fame!

Check out the Aleister Crowley entry at Wikipedia -- don't check it out if you're from a small Southern town that already ostracizes you for wearing black and being "weird" and might convict you of child murders "Paradise Lost"-style by using your reading choices as proof of your degeneracy -- but the rest of you, check it out and find out the secret to Fame!

I had read in some book or other that the most favourable name for becoming famous was one consisting of a dactyl followed by a spondee, as at the end of a hexameter: like Jeremy Taylor. Aleister Crowley fulfilled these conditions and Aleister is the Gaelic form of Alexander. To adopt it would satisfy my romantic ideals. The atrocious spelling A-L-E-I-S-T-E-R was suggested as the correct form by Cousin Gregor, who ought to have known better. In any case, A-L-A-I-S-D-A-I-R makes a very bad dactyl. For these reasons I saddled myself with my present nom-de-guerre—I can't say that I feel sure that I facilitated the process of becoming famous. I should doubtless have done so, whatever name I had chosen.

So that's what I've been doing wrong -- no dactyl + nada spondee = total obscurity.

From now on, call me Court-e-nay Lam-bo.