Unicorns and Prostitute Games

Sounds like the dreams of a dirty little girl, doesn't it?

Oops, I'm watching one of those Comedy Central Roasts on TV, and it gets in your brain and makes you see everything as a dirty joke. TV is bad!...which is so very, very good.

Look, I recently finished a book about the Medicis and Renaissance Florence, and it casually mentioned that one of them (oh, come on -- you try keeping the Cosimos and Francesco's straight after a while) acquired treasures from somewhere or other, and among the medallions and statues was a unicorn horn. And the book just went on without comment.

Why would a non-fiction -- which supposedly = FACT -- book mention a unicorn horn without explaining what the fuck that's supposed to mean? Do you think Christopher Hibbert (author of the book in question) thinks there really were unicorns back then, so he didn't bat an eye at that? Maybe next he'll write a book about Queen Victoria that blandly mentions the fairies in her garden.

I looked it up -- "unicorn horns" were indeed a prized artifact among the rich and stupid in the 1500s and 1600s. Apparently they were actually made of ivory, and they were actually from narwahls, a marine BEAST that is not a beautiful phallic horse. Or they were...something else. The internet didn't tell me much more than Hibbert did.

Hey, John Stossel -- get a load of this junk science! I can't wait until he does his 20/20 Renaissance Special: "Lorenzo the Magnificent? He seems barely fabulous to me. Give me a break!"

And there was another book I read last year that claimed that citywide fairs in Florence of the time featured "prostitute games". Again, with no explanation of what that's supposed to mean, because why write a book that clears anything up? If you have to ask, you shouldn't be reading a book about it.

Maybe the prostitutes jousted on minotaurs.

Moral: do not read books. Watch filthy roasts instead. Cock!