"You can complain, but you can't whine." -- Lessons from Rowing Class

When I lived in Boston, for a few summers I took summer rowing classes at Boston University. These were excellent experiences for the first few years, but the last one was no fun (I had to switch to the morning class instead of the late afternoon one, and those morning people are CRANKY).

Our coaches were either varsity crew members or recent alums, but one summer we had the good fortune to also be coached by a former coach for the U.S. Women's National Team. A real coach! And B.U. has a big time team, so we community rowing joes were getting quality instruction out there on the Charles River. The best thing was that they expected us to WORK, and they yelled at us and everything. It was great!

My fellow (afternoon class) crew members were awesome, especially a couple in their forties who collected Shaker furniture. The husband and I went out in a two-man scull once and kept steering into the shore because we were so unfamiliar with having an oar in both hands. Good times.

The national coach dude was pretty intense, and terribly frustrated when our community-level cardiovascular systems were not equal to the pace he wanted to set. But he was very nice and a good teacher and coach with a good sense of humor. I tried flirting with him, but I didn't get far. It's possible that my flirting may have seemed more like pestering or lingering or maybe a touch of psychosis. Maybe heat stroke.

On one of our first days with him, some of us were maybe exclaiming a bit -- good-naturedly, I'd bet -- about the pace he set. He put his head in his hands and said, "God, that sound! Listen, people -- you can complain, but you CAN'T WHINE. I hate the sound of whining."

Is that profound or what? I took that as my personal motto (second personal motto; first is, "Safety First!"), and have found it to be a good pep talk in moments of crisis and/or self-pity. I can complain, but I can't whine. Complaining is specific and opens the path the solutions ("It's too hot in here! Open a window!"). Whining is the sound of an engine that won't start ("I'm so freaking hot! I can't stand being hot, it makes the back of my thighs sweat, and I stick to the chair! Why are you doing this to me? You hate me, don't you? Everyone does.").

Or maybe it's just that complaining tends to take fewer words, so the duration of a complaint is less than that of a whine. Whines also take longer because the syllables are elongated to demonstrate how much the whiner is suffering. ("It's hot" vs. "I'm sooooo hoooo-ot! I'm go-ING to diiiiie!") Also, whining is close to a dog-whistle pitch, while complaining is bearable for the human ear.

Thanks, Community Rowing Coach Whose Name I've Forgotten. Hope you haven't given yourself an aneurysm or something!